JOKES

Three good friends once had their wives labouring at the same time in the same hospital. The first friend was told that his wife delivered twins and he said it must be as a result him working with TWINS LTD. The second friend learnt that his wife delivered a set of five children and he said it is because he works with a FIVE STAR HOTEL. Suddenly the last friend began to cry and when asked why, he replied that he works with 7-UP so he’s afraid his wife might give birth to a set of seven children.

During a wedding reception, the groom was called to give his vote of thanks to his guests and this is what he came up with: I want to first of all thank the Lord Almighty for creating my wife and to also thank the pastor and his wife for lending us their wedding rings. Special appreciation to my landlord who lent us his car. I am most grateful to my boss for approving the loan I used for the wedding. Big thanks to the committee of friends for the appeal fund they raised on my behalf. Also to my brother’s wife, thank you for lending us your wedding gown. I’m so grateful to the cake designer for the cake. I promised to return it tomorrow morning as agreed. Special thanks to my friends who brought food from their homes to help. Thank you all for coming.

A young man went to his father one day to tell him that he wanted to get married. His father was happy for him. He asked him who the girl was and he told him that it was Samantha, a girl from the neighborhood. With a sad face the old man said to his son, "I'm sorry to say this son but I have to. The girl you want to marry is your sister but please don't tell your mother." The young man again brought three more names to his father but ended up frustrated cause the response was still the same. So he decided to go to his mother. "Mama I want to get married but all the girls that I love, dad said they are my sisters and I mustn't tell you." His mother said to him with smile, "Don't worry my son, you can marry any of those girls. You are not his son anyway but please don't tell your father.

Two Calabar women were waiting at the gate of heaven and struck up a conversation. First woman says, "How did you die?" The second says, "I froze to death". The first woman says, "That must have been awful." The second woman says, "How did you die?" the first woman, says "I had a heart attack. I knew my husband was being unfaithful to me. So, I came home unexpectedly one day and rushed to the bedroom and found my husband alone reading. I rushed to the basement and nobody was hiding there. I rushed to the attic and still no one and after all that rushing around, I had a heart attack and died." The second woman says, "If only you had checked the freezer, we would both still be alive!

A man was sitting between an old woman and a beautiful young girl in a bus. All of a sudden he fell asleep and when he woke up, he found himself laying his head on the old woman's lap. When he saw her face and he said "Lord, lead me not into temptation.” He then slept again and when he woke up, he found out that he was laying his head on the beautiful girl's lap. When he saw her pretty face, he smiled and said "Oh Lord, let thy will be done.

This year, all your enemies shall be Harassed like Atiku, Restless like Chris Ngige, Confused like Chris Uba, Disorganised like PDP, Resign like Audu Ogbe, Sacked like Peter Obi, Disappointed like Peter Odili, Betrayed like Charles Taylor, Arrested like Sergeant Rogers, Detained like Al-Mustapha, Disgraced like Tafa Balogun, Die like Abacha and if they refuse to die, they will be sentenced to hanging like Rev. King and will finally be hanged like Saddam Hussein. Meanwhile, all your competitors shall step down for you like they did to Yar' Adua. You shall be announced like Duke and Tinapa. You will reclaim what the Devil had earlier stolen like Ladoja while Goodluck shall follow you throughout the days of your life like Jonathan in Jesus mighty name. Say Amen now!